by Valando Demetriou
What to Say: 12 Scripts for Tricky Moments
Word-for-word scripts for the moments little kids make hard.
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What to Say: 12 Scripts for Tricky Moments
Word-for-word scripts for the moments little kids make hard.
- Say less. Short sentences work better than speeches.
- Name the feeling before you try to fix it.
- Offer a choice, not an order.
- Use a calm, low voice. Your calm is catching.
From Valando
Twelve scripts is just the beginning.
The Kitchen Table Method teaches you how to teach first, then gives you the words for every moment at the table.
Start here
The right words in the hard moment
When your child is melting down or giving up, it's hard to think of what to say. These scripts are written so you can read them, then say them.
None of them will work every time. Pick one, try it twice and see what changes.
What it looks like
What this looks like
The scripts
Twelve moments, twelve scripts
"I can't draw."
"It feels hard right now."
"You can't do it yet."
"Tell me about your lines."
Instead of: "Yes you can, it's easy!"
"It's ugly."
"You're feeling unhappy with it."
"What part do you like?"
"What could we add or change?"
Instead of: "It's not ugly, it's beautiful!"
"Draw it for me."
"I'll help you start." (make one tiny mark, hand it back)
"What shape could we begin with?"
Instead of: Drawing it all for them.
They give up after 30 seconds
"Let's just do the first line together."
"You tried three times. That's learning."
"Let's leave it and try after lunch."
Instead of: "Don't be silly, keep going."
The tablet has to go off
"Five more minutes, then it goes off." (say it twice)
"It's hard to stop something fun."
"When it's off, let's get the paper out."
Instead of: Switching it off with no warning.
Brothers and sisters fight
"I want to hear you both. One sentence each."
"What could we do about it?"
Instead of: "Who started it?"
They won't try something new
"It's okay to feel unsure."
"Let's try just one tiny bit."
"You don't have to love it. You only have to try it."
Instead of: "Just do it."
They compare themselves to a sibling
"You're drawing different things."
"Tell me what you like about yours."
Instead of: Ranking who is better.
They show you a drawing
"Tell me about it."
"I see you used lots of blue."
"What was your favourite part?"
Instead of: "What is it?"
A meltdown over their art
"You really wanted it to look different."
"Let's put it away and look again tomorrow."
Instead of: Fixing it for them.
"I'm bored."
"That sounds hard. I wonder what you'll come up with."
Then wait ten minutes.
Instead of: Fixing it straight away.
They won't tidy up
"Let's make it a race to find all the red things."
"First tidy, then we can have a snack."
Instead of: "Tidy up right now!"
The teacher's why
Four rules behind every script
Name it
"You're cross because the game ended." Children feel understood, and the feeling shrinks.
Keep it short
A child in a big feeling can only take in a few words.
Offer a choice
"Do you want to walk or hold my hand?" Choices give back a sense of control.
Stay calm and low
Get down to their level and slow your voice.
Tips by age
How to adjust the scripts
Age 3
- Use fewer words
- Add a gesture or a picture
- Repeat the same phrase every time
Age 4
- Add a reason: "because"
- Let them choose between two things
- Praise the effort
Age 5 to 6
- Ask what they could try
- Let them finish the sentence
- Talk about it later when calm
Common mistakes
Five things that backfire
Troubleshooting
If the script doesn't work
Say it once, then try again
The first time may feel odd. The third time, it starts to feel like you.
From Valando
Twelve scripts is just the beginning.
The Kitchen Table Method teaches you how to teach first, then gives you the words for every moment at the table.
Sources and further reading
Where this comes from
- Emotions and play: preschoolers Raising Children Network (Australia)
- Australian 24-Hour Movement Guidelines, birth to 5 years (fact sheet) Australian Government Department of Health
- Raising Children Network: the Australian parenting website Raising Children Network
Take the next step
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